16 April 2009

I feel alive

I have no personal vendetta against anybody, but I am guilty, without apology, of discrimination against a certain incompetent individual with little concern for his/her subordinates' welfare and sanity, and who turn aggressively defensive the moment somebody tries to touch her newest babe.
Dear S,
I know you had an inherent dislike for me because I am not a testosterone-laden person.
I know you have been trying your hardest to get at me, to destroy me.
I know you think that I am one person who cannot stomach any criticism, running to my parents every time a reprimand was doled out by you with accusations of prejudice and sexist.
However, before you make any bias preconceptions about me and the rest of my buddies, look deep into your own conscience. Only you would throw a fit for something as trivial as having to sing a verse of any song in public. Spare a thought for all your subordinates who had to do that during our first meeting.
I know there were times when I was weak enough to dissolve into a pool of nothing after being exposed to your radioactive presence, but I am vengeful enough to guarantee, that wouldn't be the last you'll see of me because I won't go down easily.
Yes, I may have started my career lacking in essential basic knowledge, but I am armed with a positive attitude and an eagerness to learn, and I am going to show you that I am now able to function effectively on my own.
You think I have quit playing the game.

But you are wrong.
I am more resilient than that.
I did not quit playing the game.
I just quit playing from that arena so as not to suffer from further indignity.
FYI, I have reason to keep myself in the game.
Just be sure I'll be there with arms outstretched, waiting for the day when you'll be mine.
***
Dear H,

Sometimes I wonder, are you in denial of what is in essence the truth of what’s taking place in the Workplace right now?

A "goodwill get-together" lunch at a restaurant followed by a Clubbing session after work would not erase memories of temper tantrums, bad behaviour and name calling, I tell you.

But thank you for your lunch treat and invitation. That was very noble of you.
However, sharing those dishes on the Lazy Susan did not endear us to each other.
I can decide for myself exactly the kind of company that I desire. If we could get along, I do not see the need a farcical outing to bond.
You see, H, the core problem is a lack of respect for each other, often resulting in
perceived superiority and unfair criticisms of our work.
Nevertheless, H, it was fun working here, though sarcasm is very much intended. I suffered from pre-work depression, finding myself unable to have any fun on Sunday night. I suffered from work day lethargy, finding great difficulty even climbing out of bed to begin what could be the longest day.

But along the way, I discovered my strengths and weaknesses, aptitude or lack of it in certain areas. Thanks to you, I want to cease to be a slave to work, and spend more time developing other extra vocational interests. Being under other superiors were less demanding, but no less satisfying... After all, politics exist everywhere, in every organization too.

I also needed to know what it was like working in a crappy company with bitch superiors. After a while, the crap just becomes something in the back of your mind and you learn to filter it out. But how many can stand the crap and bitchiness? I know that I can't. It's easier said than done. But working under you, H and S, it was a good try for me so that I understand the nature of suffering better. To defeat crap.. you must know what crap really means.
At the end of the day, what won’t kill you will make you stronger.
***
I'm appeased, for now.
No more work-related posts, I promise, at least for the next two weeks or so.


I could not have wished for a better way to end the weekend. I see the smiles and gay abandon of the happiness at hand, and I find it contrasting so starkly with emotions that coursed through me little over three weeks ago. And the capacity to observe and experience such extremes of the human condition compels me to consider what it is to be human, yet still retain enough sanity to straddle both ends of the emotional spectrum.

I guess happiness isn't exactly something that can never happen.

Strange, somehow I do not know if I'm prepared for a better phase in slavery.
But there is one thing, the constraints of the bank account are real restrictive. I need a business plan. Either that or I have to put on a brave smile to endure whatever hostility and hell hissed at me in future when bad outcomes transpire despite all that you do.
But with Divine Intervention, I am positively sure that there will be rewarding moments, when your action makes a difference. Praise God.

No comments: