26 July 2008

First class mentality

I have been absent from the blogosphere for about a week or so due to a heavy workload, maxed out lifestyle and sheer laziness.

All hail KJ, for finally posting.

Anyway, I spent the final hours of my Holydays doing a notice for a coming meeting, which by itself was quite a task for me since I had to design a notice that would stand out among the clutter of creatively-designed club notices. God knows, what sort of divine intervention has inspired Mr Adviser to ask me to design the notice and a form. Obviously, he had failed to consider the fact that the words creativity and KJ are antonyms. Well, I shall not pretend to understand the workings and complexities of a genius's brain. The outcome was nothing great, as expected and I could imagine the adviser's jaw slackened upon seeing my masterpiece. You can't expect much from a person who has completely zero talent in art, y'know.

One thing I have noticed this semester is the first class mentality of my course mates. They are not a boisterous bunch. They are not very sporting, either. However, they have very good sportsmanship. After 3 weeks of holy-days, I reunited with three of them in Marketing Strategy. As always, the top news of the hour was our Semester 1 results.

"You know what, I actually passed my M.R. and I got a distinction for C.B." enthused E, while L was overjoyed with her B for both C.B. and M.R. Another coursemate, C, a Business Admin major got the same results as L. My M.R. partner-in-crime managed 2As and 1B, the B was obviously for Leadership.

"You?" they asked me.

I paused briefly, stunned by their happiness, but bounced back, totally unfazed, and told them mine in my normal tone of voice.

Ah, the spirit of sportsmanship.....

My course mates are settling for two subjects again this semester, thus NOT putting ‘the merrier’ in ‘the more’, unlike ME, the brave one who took that bold step that NO student with raging hormones should ever take- taking 3 core subjects per semester with one subject as a self-study. Reason being that they do not want to stress themselves out. E would rather wait until Semester 2, 2009 (next year) to take Marketing Channels as she does not want to do distance learning since the college refused to open a class.
They aren’t worried about the assignments while I’m already nervous and apprehensive about getting through this semester (maybe because they only have to do 4 while I’ve to do 6). Does it mean that I have this sense of wisdom since my composure, at this stage, is excellent??? Oh yeah, I'm dead pleased with my myself, just the right blend of serious yet charming. LOL yes yes, daddy, self-praise is no praise.
In the midst of the rat race that grips us day by day, my course mates can still find some repose.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good thing. Their ability to have fun and be confident is something to be admired, not to be laughed at. If I had told my parents that I want to take a break from studying, hence delay my graduation, I’d have gotten a cold shoulder in return and I shudder to ponder on the consequences of their wrath. *sigh* Being so relax and care-free is something I have yet to truly grasp.
Looking forward to Olympics! 08.08.08. With three assignments due soon after...so I will have to endure a continuous link of mentally strenuous activities.

If you are still reading my spouting until now, you may think it's some crazy nonsensical spouting or that I'm just digressing since I like to talk round and round in circles and go off tangent -blame that on my inferior girly brain that is prone to 'loso-ism'. But it's not. Positive. You see, the stress escalates each day and I'm trying to suppress it but it manifests itself in my supreme crankiness and tempers towards people who really don't deserve it. So I'm struggling so hard to keep it at bay and try to think what God would do... but oh, my humanity... (and third class mentality).

17 July 2008

Slowly...

I walk, knowing the further I do so, the closer I am to the murky waters. Yet I cannot return – behind, cutlasses are pointed into my back.
I advance, with fear gripping my stomach, thus squeezing it into mush. I resist the urge to puke. My face is scarred with fear. I glance around, and see many faces, forcing me into the cold, murky waters. However, amidst the crowd of weapon-wielding antagonists, I see a few familiar faces i.e. my parents, my swimming coaches- those people i know I can't disappoint somehow...But now, all is lost.
Looking sideways, I see my teammates who has been sentenced to the same fate as me. Some with eagerness in their eyes, others – indescribable, complete, utter, panic. Some wearing their swimming gears, floats and holding kicking boards, with the notion that they will survive the waters. How nice is it, to be like those silver lining optimists. Others, like me, shivering...
I start thinking of the end-results. Will I completely, utterly vanish from the face of the earth?? Will I emerge bloody, but victorious??


A fearsome pirate stands up, and stretches to its full height. A scary one, it is, with the full package of a pirate- patch over its eye and hook for a hand. Only this one is worse. If looks could kill, all of us would have died. She looks at me and barked, “Your jump is up soon, get ready!". Evil crackles follow..
**
In less than 100 hours time, Semester 2 will start, sweeping me up in a discordant wrath of sound and fury, activities and friendships, love and hate.... Soon I will have to study my butts off. Well, university isn't exactly a place of comfort nor glamour, y'know.
I know I'd just overdose apathy, maybe then reality won't come so quickly, eh?
**
I walk further, and I find myself standing on the edge of the plank. Knowing I have no choice, I close my eyes, and plunge in. Into the cold, murky waters filled with starved, hungry sharks.
**
Finally, after what seems for like an eternity of time, sinking to the bottom, I come up for a breath of air. Momentary release from the murky waters of… of… STUDIES, ASSIGNMENTS and EXAMS.
After all of us emerge, we gather around. Some emerge victorious, knowing that they bopped a few sharks, and others… bleeding bloody innards.
And Me?? I gotta survive it all, no matter what; so I shall hope for the best...

Cheers, people.

11 July 2008

News and woes of betide

News and woes of betide. Sem 1, 2008 exam result's are out.

**Cue melodramatic music**
I'm relieved with what I have:- 1HD, 1A and 1B, and I thank God for being with me in so many ways throughout the semester.
Dad wasn't particularly pleased with the Credit I obtained for Leadership as he thinks that it caused my results this semester to slightly deteriorate from my last sem's results.
Hence the downfall.
*Glances down in silent salute as the once great ship sinks*
But I'm grinning ear to ear over my results, considering the fact that I self-studied this subject without the guidance of any local lecturers. Despite how much I detested the banality of reading the dry Leadership textbook (oh yeah, the other texts book too but if given a choice NOW, I would rather read my Market Research and Consumer Behaviour textbook than read the Leadership textbook!!), I managed to pull it through with acceptable assignment marks and using personal wits, savvy and common sense to go through the final exam (and of course, with the blessings from God). Studying for Leadership was like I've hit a glass ceiling, wanting to break out, yet unable to, so at the end I felt only resentment. So I'm overjoyed with the fact that I'm over with Leadership with a B -quite a respectable grade in my opinion.
I'm glad that my efforts to answer the questions on the Study Desk for Consumer Behaviour paid off too. At the very least, I did some charity by helping my other friends with their exam preparation. :)
On a more serious note, I'm feeling slightly detached, as well as relieved. Credits goes to my lecturers for guiding me through the fundamental parts of the course contents. At least, I can look Mr Alan and Ms Sharifah in the eye, with confidence that I did not let them down. Well, none of us disappointed them as we all passed...Kudos, people..
As for Market Research, I detested SPSS to the core of it while in the midst of completing the Assignment 2, but I eventually started liking the subject as well as SPSS, though I'm not passionate about it. But exactly where I'll go with Research remains to be seen. Time will tell, I suppose!!!
Unfortunately, the overwhelming feeling of ecstasy is followed closely by the distressing hollowness of reality that Semester 2 is going to start in exactly 9 days time. It will definitely be an upstream battle against stress and another self-study subject next semester but I hope to get through it without scathed. So I shall gather myself and work through it. Best wishes.

08 July 2008

Why I can never become a teacher

As part of our Business Statistics syllabus at Diploma level, Ms Fiona, the lecturer was teaching us how to draw the Lorenz Curve and how we should describe the curve.

"The Lorenz Curve shows the degree of inequality that exists in the distributions of two variables. It is often used to illustrate the extent that income or wealth is distributed unequally in a situation. Likewise, this question shows the degree of inequality in the distribution of income and the population. After you draw, use the 80-20 rule to explain it....” the lecturer explained.

I gave her a blank look. Obviously, I do not take to learning like a duck to water.

“What’s the 80-20 rule, Miss?” I asked.

“80-20 rule as in the Pareto rule. Does anyone of you know what is the Pareto rule?” she asked the class.

Silence.

I leaned back triumphantly and smiled. Ahh! brethren! I wasn't the only one who did not kow what the 80-20 rule was!!!. “Pareto rule? Is it related to the Pareto Chart that is used for quality control??” I asked the lecturer again.

"What is Pareto Chart?" Chin Chin cuts in.

"Ah, it's something out of Production Management. Don't worry, you will learn it when you take Production Management." I replied.

"We use the Pareto rule to describe the Pareto Chart also. The Pareto rule states that 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes. In economics, we always say that 20% of the world's population own 80% of all the available wealth and 80% of the population own 20% of all the available wealth,” the lecturer answered.

“True, ah?? Does it apply to countries as well??” I asked.

“Generally, yes. Pareto rule was developed by an Italian economist called Pareto, who observed that 80% of income in Italy went to 20% of the population,”

Without missing a beat, I said, "Yeeh, that is not fair. Eh Miss, does this rule apply to our country, or not??" I waited eagerly for her answer. I loved where the conversation was leading to....

"Nothing is fair in this world. Never has been and never will be...," the lecturer chided, "now can we continue??"

I groan inwardly. That was not what I wanted to hear!! "Oh okay, okay. How do we describe the Lorenz Curve using the 80-20 rule??" I replied.

The lecturer had that familiar twinkle in her eye upon hearing that. She continued with lessons. She sure loves statistics..
"You see ah, for this question, you draw the line from here to here, then you explain it like this: The Lorenz Curve shows that 20% of the total income is earned by 63% of the population while 80% of the income is earned by 27% of the population.........."

"Why must it be 80% or 20%? can't it be a 70-30 or 60-40?" I asked inquisitively.

"It can be anything actually but not 50-50. However, we usually use 80-20 because that is the rule of thumb in business." After her explanation, Ms Fiona gave us a question to test our understanding.

Then she made her rounds to make sure everyone understood what she was teaching. She always does that during tutorial sessions.

After I finished calculating the cumulative numbers and percentage cumulative, I leaned over to Li Sia and said, "Ms Fiona sure knows everything."

"Of course she knows, just like most of our lecturers." she answered while pulling out a piece a graph paper from her file to draw the curve.

Chin Chin, who was sitting in front of me, turned around and said, "Aiyah you. 老师就是老师. 如果老师不知道, then who knows?"

"Yeah, I guess you are right. Likewise, I wouldn't call Mr. Kho the walking Oxford dictionary for nothing, right," I replied, letting out a sigh. "Now I know how come I can never become a teacher."

"Why?" Li Sia asked. Eyebrows raised.

"There's a lot of things I don't know. You see, like Ms Fiona, she knows a whole lot of stuff from finance to accounting, from statistics and math to econs. As for me, I have forgotten what I have learned during Financial Accounting 2!!" I replied.

"You still remember what we learned in Production Management like the Pareto Chart leh.", answered Li Sia, probably in an attempt to make me feel better.

"Probably the Pareto Chart only. I've kinda forgotten the rest anyway." I retorted.

"So what do you want to become in future?" she asked.

A pause. I racked my brain for an answer.

"Remember last time during MTP, Ms Noresa used to tell us, if you can't find a job related to your major or your qualification, you can always go back to teaching."

"Ah hah..", Li Sia mumbled. She was busy sketching her curve. I was only beginning to plot the dots. There was a noisy bunch at the back, joking in Chinese. Chin Chin was busy, hunched over her desk.

"Well, I can't follow her advice so I think I'd go to Europe and become a cow," I said, comprehension dawning.

Chin Chin overheard what I said. "Become a cow?" she asked with her face scrunched up, as if cows were inferior creatures. She gave me an incredulous look.

"Ya, why not?" I replied promptly, "The average European cow gets a subsidy of $2 a day. That's the World Bank measure of poverty; which more than what half of the people in the developing world is living on. Therefore, in some cases, it is actually better to be a cow in Europe than a poor person in a developing country or a farmer in sub-Saharan Africa. Do you know Joseph Stiglitz?"

Li Sia and Chin Chin shook their heads with blank stare at me.

"Well, he's an economist. He won a Nobel prize winner for Economics. He is also the author of several books, all which I never had the opportunity to lay my hands on. One of his works is entitled Making Globalization Work. I never read it but from what I gather from reviews, he criticized the hypocrisy with which developed countries had extremely high subsidies on farming and refusing to remove subsidies for agricultural products and farming. Do you know as a result of the high subsidies given to the farmers in developed countries such as US, the bulk of developing population whose populace depends on agriculture for subsistence, are unable to export their agriculture to developed nations because the subsidies keep prices in developed countries unfairly lower. The subsidies enable high-cost farmers and food companies to sell their products at below the cost of production and unfairly beat off the products of farmers in developing countries that don’t have the same kind of money to subsidize their products. So actually it's quite sad to think that those in the developed world are oblivious to the plight of the poor in the developing world. They have pushed for policies that promote trade liberalization mostly in the service sectors, where they have an advantage, and kept up tariffs to block out agricultural imports from the poor countries, when they know that agriculture is the sole livelihood for much of the developing world inhabitants. The losses to farmers in the Third World due to such selfish policies cost three times more than aid given to those countries by the developed world. It makes more sense, then, to pursue a fairer trade regime. As long as discrimination toward the poor doesn't end, we will continue to see an increase in the vicious circle of poverty which will cause environmental degradation. That is why we see inequality in the distribution of wealth. Remember just now, Ms Fiona was telling us that 20% of the world's population own 80% of all the available wealth? I think that is how it comes about. Probably the only way out of this is for the First World countries to share some of their wealth with the developing world, or at the very least, trade fairly with them," I postulated.


The conversation ended. Li Sia's work was 80% done. Mine was only 20% done!!!

Why the big difference when we started at the same time???

I knew I had to get back to work. I had to catch up with her. Thank God I finished in time when the lecturer reached our desks.

"Finish?" she asked Li Sia and I.

We showed her our neatly sketched Lorenz Curve and the explanation we did using the 80-20 rule. "Good, you understand the concept, right? You two do your work very fast, huh?"

I felt a grin spreading itself over my face.
"That's because we spent 20% of our time talking while the rest spent 80% of their time talking. Therefore, when we are 80% done, they are 20% done!", I answered vainly, hiding the truth that Li Sia finished way ahead of me.
"Miss, I know how to apply the Pareto rule, huh??"

The clock struck 10:30a.m. The bunch of boys sitting behind rushed out of class. A student went towards her with the assignment question with the assignment question paper in hand. It was obvious he was going to ask her questions about the assignment. Knowing how vain I could get at times, she smirked.

***************************************
and to the G-D somebody from the primate category, thank you for what happened yesterday that made me sense your disdain and the disgust and disappointment. I am raging at the whole injustice of your lack of acceptance and unreasonable expectations that that burning anger's just faded down to a vaguely throbbing ache in my chest. (And it doesn't help much when your parents start interrogating you as if you were a criminal when in the first place, you do not know why you were treated like that behind your back....)

Well, the sad truth is staring at me in the face but I wouldn't wallow in my troubles. After all I don't intend to work for the G-D somebody from the primate category when I graduate.
If I can't find a job then, I would just go to Europe and become a cow as in lembu. After all, I'm a wood ox, or in my case, a wood cow. :)

03 July 2008

I met my cousin in the college library

I was in the college library this morning. I was there for my menial mundane library duty, NOT TO STUDY.

The library is never in total silence. You can hear people whispering, which ironically includes the bimbotic librarian who will ask you to shut up but when she and her bimbotic gang are together, they'll be talking and laughing away like nobody's business. Then there will be people walking in and out of the library.

When you are in the midst of absorbing all the stuff you need for your exams, suddenly....
*some Chinese song starts playing at top volume*
Person: (stops the song and presses the phone to the ear): Hello.. (walks out of the library upon seeing the librarian heading towards him or her).

Then,
*Beep Beep*
The student beside you takes out his or her handphone and starts sms-ing. Message sent. He/she puts the phone on the table. A few seconds later:
*Beep Beep*
(and this continues for the next 10 minutes or so, hence burning up their credits- the telco company should give them shares in the company.)

That's a common scene in the library. Unfortunately, some students do not understand the notice pasted read on the wall which reads, "PLEASE MUTE YOUR HANDPHONE".

You try to regain your concentration but in vain attempt.

The fact that the library isn't sound proof makes my house a somewhat better place to study. It's situated on the 1st floor but you can hear the blaring sound of a car's alarm or voices of an Ah-beng wannabe speaking Hokkien, sounding more or less like this:
"Lu eh chai bor, wa ye chia yeh sound system si be ho ar. Kui pak ko, ar. Lu beh siang sin wa kah, huh, wa ho lu kua." (and the ah-beng wannabe turns his sound system on and you can hear it loud and clear from the library especially if you are sitting near the computers. Trust me, it makes you feel like taking the nail gun and nail their lips to the lamp post).

Sometimes, you would have students who would break out in very random exclamations, quotes and sounds for purposes not known even to me, and the whole gang bolts out, laughing hysterically.

Occasionally, somebody will be sneezing, sniffing or whizzing, thanks to the temperature that is ideal for keeping corpses. Yup, the library can get inhumane-ly cold and naturally, my brain freezes accordingly, hence the inability to study...

That is why I prefer studying at home. No doubt my stupid neighbour was renovating his house in the midst of my exam and I was disturbed by the sounds of drilling and hammering, but that was only during the day and being a nocturnal animal, I do not study during the day. I study late at night, thus resulting in my immune system being battered. At the very least, I have all my books and notes at home. There is no way I am going to lug all my books to college. Books=Excess baggage=extra fuel consumption for the car. Besides that, i can study anywhere i like at home. Thus, during pre-exam period, you can see my books and notes lying everywhere in the house (except the toilet). And if you go there now, my MR and CB notes are still lying on the sitting room table and in time to come, it shall be upgraded to become reading materials for guests (yes, if you do come to my house, you can always read my CB notes if the programmes on ASTRO bores you.). My CB textbook has just been given another task to be my mouse pad while my MR and Leadership textbooks are still lying on table in my room, waiting for its owner to put it into the cupboard that is made from the the hardest of ancient timber, handcrafted to perfection by skilled artisans.....Apparently, its owner is too lazy to finish clearing up her stuff.

Today, the library was no difference. There was a whole bunch of diploma students in the library doing their assignments. Sitting behind at the last table was my cousin. He is also doing his degree from the same university but doing a different major. I'm a business major, while he's an accounting major. Both of us are having our semester break but while I'm still enjoying my newly-found freedom, he is already preparing for next semester. *KJ gasps in horror* The next semester starts on the 21st of this month and my cousin is already reading his textbook- chapter 3. Arrgh... I have just placed the order for my textbooks. He's taking his final subject next sem and I'm taking 3 subjects next sem. He has started reading his sole textbook and yours truly has not even started anything..... Anyway, that's my cousin.

- He is a super kuai student and a bookworm. I'm 10 million times more playful as compared to him and his siblings.
- He is a pure Chinese, a trilingual. He can speak our mother tongue very well. On the other hand, I'm a pure banana, a bilingual(???)
- I can't stand dedicating my entire student life to books and academic alone. He can.
- He sells life insurance during his free time while I dedicate my free time to club activities and internet. I earn my pocket money by giving tuition to two primary school students.
- He thinks that joining Extra Co-curricular Activities are a waste of time cos we don't earn any money from it... I joined ECAs in college in hope of getting a scholarship and maybe, like what Mr Adviser said, to give my CV a boost. (Ah, well, I think I shall pay a visit to the office of the honourable DPM to apply for a postgraduate scholarship when I've completed my studies or at the worst, get a letter of recommendation!!! For all I might know, Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak would be so gracious as to grant me an audience. Well, if Mohd Saiful could be granted an audience with Najib's officer, Khairil Anas, I'm sure I can too, right??? He got a CGPA of below 2.0 while in Uniten, you know..... )
- He is every teachers' dream student. Quiet, smart, and etc. Me?? Let my lecturers be the judge. What can you expect from somebody who 一 定 complain when asked to do tutorials?? Complain 上, complain下, before getting it done!!!
- In short, he and his siblings make me look like a devil. He is one year older than me, much wiser than me and is forever telling me to spent more time on my studies. *Sigh*, I'm not like you. I can't sit resolute on the chair, studying for hours...

Sometimes, I wonder if we are actually related or am I just the odd one out in the entire family?? Maybe I was lost at birth...

Anyway, HOT NEWS here. Ah, how nice is it to be in Malaysia. There's never a dull moment. Our Malaysian political arena offers you all you want for entertainment, ranging from scandals, allegations, fabrications, and quoting Malik Imtiaz, a whole lot of political intrigue in between.
What do I have to say? Discussion suits a contemplative young generation, one that I am part of. We want more openness about the things that matter to us, and the last thing we want to see is blatant sweeping under the carpet. Negaraku, tanah tumpahnya darahku; we are growing up. Every day brings us closer to the maturity. All I wish for is transparency, accountability, justice, equality. Thus, I sincerely hope you'll grow with us. In two months time, Malaysia, as we sing you your birthday song, please reciprocate by thinking of us as you blow your 51 candles, as much as we think of you. God bless you, Malaysia.

Oh yeah, my cousin isn't interested in social politics....