Uncalled for

I guess my job is the type whereby if you understand the concept, everything will be made so much simpler.

But somehow it is not as fun as it should be...

Things are hard to grasp and I don’t feel like I’ve got a particular connection to it.

I think I’ll find the feeling for it.

I don’t know how long it’s going to take but I hope it isn’t too long... or I'll find myself in the deep abyss. PS: I am not going to exude any profanities.

:()

Storyboard 1

Day in day out, she passed by the same walkway, heard the same din, whiffed the same smell and watched the same scene on her way to the theater. She can only find solace in the soulful songs emitted by the PA system, thanks to the zoo's deejay.

Her job is so mired in routine she was that she felt mechanical, almost robotic, as if she was part of the fittings in the zoo. Typical eight to five, with an official one hour lunch break in between. .. Nothing exciting. Just offering enough money for her to live by.

Can I not wake up the next morning? Please," she asked, with a sad wistful look on her face. Tears of sadness drained down her face.

Silence was the only word he could offer.

The lion had just refused to acknowledge her capability to conform to the required standards.
It conveniently still believes that she have yet to convince it that she worthy of it and she deserves the right to be granted a 'pass'..

She nodded in a daze, gazing into its eyes. It averted them. She stared at the back of its coat billowing in the soft zephyr as it walked swiftly back to its den. It seem to be a flagrant crucifixion of her gloom destiny, for soon it will be the day when the zoo keeper will decide, is she or is she not worthy of being in that zoo.

If she fails, she will be back in the wild, fighting with development for a place to stay, for food to eat, the right to live..

She searched vainly, futilely for the slightest sign of recognition from its impassive face. There were none. Like all of them, it had learned to mask stark knowledge well.

She stared at the computer screen blankly. She felt like screaming but no voice came out. She had this urge to smash the monitor into smithereens but instead she sat there, slumped in her chair.

There was no one around to comfort her, no one to cling to and she ended up crying into her pillow until it was all wet and soggy and her eyes all puffy and red.

**

But Faith - is all you can have here.

There are things you cannot control, cannot affect.

Don't let your fear and rage demolish the single standard left, however nebulous His intentions.

Everyone needs guidance. Like everyone else, she needed all the guidance she could get from God.

"bless me oh Lord. Guide and protect me, Lord, and to provide all the wisdom and necessities in order for me to handle and to take charge of the situation and to provide me your ability that will bless every word, every situation, every person, every thing that I face with pure joy and happiness. With every confidence I have in my body, I lift it up to you and trust upon your favors that it is peace and happiness that every one will have at the end. Amen."

Immediately after that, she felt at peace.

The ever so faithful God had revealed this to her:

What has come has gone.
Now it is time to pick up the pieces and move on.
Now, its time to tie up all the loose ends.
And leave with no regrets...

Lower 6 started today.

This was what I remember learning about Malaysia from the Pengajian Am and Malaysian Studies textbook:

Government type: Constitutional monarchy. Nominally headed by a paramount ruler. Bicameral parliament that consists of a non-elected House of Senate and elected House of Representative. Democracy.
Three bodies: Legislative Body (Bicameral parliament), Executive Body (Headed by Prime Minister) as the and Judiciary Body.
*our Judiciary is independent of the Executive, and that the Legislative is an untouchable sanctity of a parliamentary democracy.

For once, I can reconcile with what the Pengajian Am textbook says. Yes, you might call me a cuckoo for being a slow learner. Perhaps I am really a cuckoo. But I know, after 11th May 2009, I will remember the message above that is bold in green. High court Judge Datuk Abdul Aziz Abdul Rahim showed me the way! Confidence. Dignity.. INTEGRITY and 1Malaysia. Thank you for remembering to uphold the precedent on Stephen Kalong Ningkan,\.

We all know, there are still two more appellate Courts after the High Court in this process:- Court of Appeal and Federal Court. So Zambry and his teams of worthy lawyers can always appeal, which I think they would anyways. But I remain optimistic in this case. I refuse to believe that at best, it is only the High Court until I hear it myself from the mouth of the two Courts.

Anyway, the next best solution would be to call the election and let the people decide who should be the MB. That will be our ultimate judge given the context of a democratic country.

But who am I to say.

Please don't mind me, I am just spouting nonsense again.

The long hand strikes 12MN.
I got to click "Publish Post" soon.
A long two weeks or so beckons, beginning tomorrow.
Just wake me up when May ends.

People always say that they wish they could become a student again. Me too.
Can I go back to become a student again?

Epiphany

I'm tired but awake at this godly hour.

Might have been the waking up very early in the morning and coming home late in the evening.

Might have been the heavy morning traffic.

Might have the complete lack of motivation to get my ass to the office..

Might have been the fact that I dread walking up the stairs to the office, since I only have a few more seconds to force myself to leave behind their personal problems before reaching the doors into a room where my responsibility as an employee has to come first.

Might have been the fact that you know that what the boss says, "Love your company and your job" is total bullshit.. Heck, there is more in life than work (and this certainly does not include drinking till you get all tipsy and drunk at least once a week).

Might have been the fact that my reporting superior has sold her/his soul to the company so they think that success comes by working Hard towards those lofty goals. I think when you are not forced to work too much (and you are actually playing on level ground), you can actually work smart.

Might have been something to do with the fact that I hate Weekdays..

Might have been the fact that today's Friday and the weekend's here.. (PS: I had to work today.)

Wee...

And the point is that

I have no point at all.

Forgive me. That is why people make jokes and to try to talk about random stuff- to distract themselves about whatever is bothering them, both inside and outside the closed gates of work.

But the past few days have been better. Knowing that this Transitional Breed is moving on, I wake up and realise that soon I no longer give a shit about pretending or putting on this tough act..

31st March. Tuesday.

The end of the month

is probably the most looked forward time of the month by all employees

knowing that your pay day is coming soon.

You become more discipline,

oh yes, finally I'm going to get paid for those days I hardworkingly turn up for work.

You wait impatiently at your workplace

as your boss distributes the pay slips to the staff,

unfortunately your one never came to you.

You ask where's yours? You are also an employee so where's yours?

"Oh, you don't have because you are still under probation," says your boss.

You looked puzzled. "Ain't I still an employee? Don't I have to contribute to the EPF and SOCSO like the others?" you wonder.

"Okay, your salaries will be banked into your account on Friday night. So all of you should be getting your salary on Monday night," you hear your boss telling everyone.

Oh well, all those questions can be answered at another time. The most important thing is my salary. I'm getting it SOON, in 5 days time. Yay!

Then your boss announce that everyone will have to become office janitors on Tuesday because the company obviously does not have a janitor. "Nevermind. Sacrifice for the company for the sake of being able to get your salary a day earlier than as stipulated in the contract.

Monday evening comes. 6:00pm. Your colleague logs into her e-banking account. "My salary is not out yet," she exclaims.

You went to the atm after that. balance status. The screen showed the original amount. No changes. Apparently your salary is not in your bank account yet.

Tuesday, a kind-hearted superior calls KL to check on the status of everybody's salary. Oh, it will only be in on Wednesday night as the cheque takes 3 working days to be cleared since it was banked into another branch.

10 minutes later. You receive a shocking news. KL loss your bank account number (that you gave them on your second day of work) so your cheque has not been banked in. The cheque will be banked in tonight. they promise. You will only be able to get yours by the end of this week, which is already 3 days into the new month, provided they keep their promise to bank in your salary tonight.

**

I am irritated with that company which makes their employees feel like they have to beg the honchos to pay them. I am pissed with the company that does not hold their employees in high regard.

It's 11:40PM already. In 6 and a half hours time, the alarm is going to ring, signalling another day. Another weekday. You hope it is Friday, but it’s not. It is only Wednesday. 2 more days till Friday. You feel like shit. You think of a million and one reasons to take MC but you can't because your company has delayed your salary so you cannot afford to spent RM20 for that piece of paper and some medicine. Once in office, you want time to go faster so that you can leave the office and go for lunch. You realised you may have made a mistake in life… You dream of striking 6/49 so that you could probably take a lot of drudgery having a workaholic boss who thinks that people should put work before health and family.

sIGH.

Burnt out

Okay, as expected, I do owe everyone some sort of explanation for my prolonged absence and putting this blog into a self-induced coma.

I'm tired. I apologize for the delay. However, I have decided to delay no more for..

It’s Friday 11PM! TGI Friday! Tomorrow's Saturday!

The moment I clocked out of the office at 6:30pm after the meeting, I felt like I wanted to crumble, but it’s a GOOD feeling - a lot more comforting than having to hold myself upright when I’m tired.

I think I’m burnt out.

I’m burnt out from waking up extremely early from Mondays to Fridays.

I’m burnt out from the hustle and bustle of the corporate world bubble.

I'm burnt out from the endless pressure that drown me by my superior to meet the target (But Praise God for His grace is helping me exceed my superior's expectations for this week).

I'm burnt out from trying to stay away and remain as quiet as ever so as not to land myself in the office politics that exist in that small company.

I'm burnt out from constantly having to open myself up to other people’s piercing judgments in order to take a step forward.

I suppose I’m simply burnt out from work life, which is simply unbelievable, because I’m only in my first month, and should be a lot more resilient than this. But this fatigue hangs off my shoulders. It clutches at my throat. It peels my skin back layer by layer. At the end of the day, I go to work, waiting anxiously for 6p.m. to go back to what seem my sanctuary. I'm burnt out to the extent that I have found a liking to sit in the office's toilet in solitude. Not that the toilet is 5 star rating or what (it is barely one star), but being able to ease myself in the toilet to escape from a few minutes of work is simply satisfying. Those times of quiet, those quality times, are really so much better than the constant frustration that gripes me as soon as I sit down at my work desk.

But it's Friday evening. It's back to the civilized world, a world of liberty and peace, and rest.

Oh YES.... i do not have to wake up early for the next two days!

My bed and my pillow happens to be beckoning to me now.

One advice here: Don't work if you don't have to!! DON'T.