I tell you..

Arguing for forever and not come to any definite conclusion is NOT FUN.

Worst of all, if we were actually arguing over a DOG.

That dog which I think he would appreciate me more if I give him scraps rather than his Arcana kibble.
That dog which I gotta feed every morning by 7:30am and every evening by 5:30pm when you can just sleep in.
That dog which I have spent more of my salary on him than I spent on myself.

I have no idea how to alleviate the tense atmosphere now- the bitterness and the rage at the injustice of having to do everything for something you did not want in the first place back in 2008 when you cheerfully announced over dinner, "He's gonna be ours."

"NOoooooo, "

Bygones. Memories. Afterthought.

Let bygones be bygones.

Fashionably late

You scrambled to get there in time,
You arrived and you thought you were on-time this time..
But when you arrived at the dooe, you heard the accapella of voices serenading to the guitar
You opened the door, eyes gazing at you..
DARN IT! Hoelycoelyballoenny, I'm fashionably late (dare i add on, "as usual").
BUT WAaaaaIT.. it's only 8.01pm according to my phone.
Unfortunately, the long hand on the wall clock was at 1.
SiGH. So much for wanting to be punctual..










But the clock was 5 minutes faster...
-><-

Lesson learnt: Always reach to a certain place at least 5 minutes earlier.

Note 1: Kuching's ambient temperature is purported to be 36 degrees Celsius (97 F). It's stuffy and smoky outside.

Note 2: Work (and the weather) has taken its toll on my social life.

1.) I'm going to miss two upcoming conferences in the month of August because of Work.

2.) I'm seriously getting lazier to blog. After a long, full day at work squinting at the pc monitor, the last thing I want to do at the end of the day is stare any longer at the computer or go out at night.

3.) I think I have to give the December conference organized by PAGV a miss too.

Sigh. How do adults not feel jaded by this routine, this ennui, and all the unspoken rules that form the bedrock of the games that those adultz play?

The office is, as usual, quiet, except for the tapering of keys and the occasional sound of the printer.

It's a normal atmosphere in the office...

except for yesterday, today and perhaps until next week, the sounds of sirens wailing, the sounds of horns blasting and the occasional shouts by those off-riders to get the average joes to move aside.

I look out from the window. The sight of the Golden Triangle- this time filled with White Wajas and traffic policemen at every corner of the isoceles triangle.

Did I say, "I feel safe. I feel very much protected."

Welcome to the 218th Ruler's Conference.

Welcome to the preparation for that conference.

Be proud to be part of it!!

do people get off being so unemphatic, so inconsiderate, so callous in nature?

I DUN THIiiiNK SOooooooo.. SOoo YeaH, PeoPLe........

**

why blog when you don't have freedom of speech?

i think that's pretty dumb.

but then again, why blog when you know people are bound to criticize you..

if you know your newest post is going to be incriminating, best to keep it in your thoughts or some secret faraway truly personal blog. or else the repercussions of your post will come full circle.
why blog when you don't have freedom of speech?

i think that's pretty dumb.

but then again, why blog when you know people are bound to criticize you?!

If you know your newest post is going to be incriminating, best to keep it in your thoughts or some secret faraway truly personal blog. or else the repercussions of your post will come full circle.

This is why I don't blog anymore.

**

In other words, it could also mean I am arrogant prick who has it too good. I just feel like sticking to my principles are worth a lot more than whatever I gain from it otherwise. I just simply want to learn what I love, not just something I am ambivalent towards. And I guess I might really come to regret it or I might not. We will see..

Uncalled for

I guess my job is the type whereby if you understand the concept, everything will be made so much simpler.

But somehow it is not as fun as it should be...

Things are hard to grasp and I don’t feel like I’ve got a particular connection to it.

I think I’ll find the feeling for it.

I don’t know how long it’s going to take but I hope it isn’t too long... or I'll find myself in the deep abyss. PS: I am not going to exude any profanities.

:()

Serependity

It's 11PM.
One more hour and the clock strikes 12. It's midnight. It marks the arrival of Monday, yet another week.

I found my phone.
I must have missed your message.
Sorry for the inconvenience caused.

I'm thankful for the weekend.
It's so addictive.
I'd usually be rather sleep deprived after a long work week,
the beauty of home softens.

The weekend break was just right on schedule,
on time for me to take a breather,
reassess my priorities, rest, and think what God would want me to do here.

It's Monday.
The start of the work week.
You continue being swept by that whirlwind of activities
and though you feel at times to cry out that the pace may slow,
but you are trying to enjoy it all the same
because serendipity is why you should never give up.

Quoting Erin McKean, "Serendipity is when you find things you weren’t looking for because finding what you are looking for is so damn difficult.”
Serendipity, is how many people including me found God, after straying away...
It feels so nice to be Home.

Storyboard 2: Preconceived judgement

Over the years, I’ve learned how He has become a victim of His own honesty.

The preconceived judgement I had of Him being pretentious and not-so-perfect was born out of my own cynicism.

If someone doesn’t behave in a certain way you expect Him to, you assume He cheated you and you begin to doubt His abilities.

However, in today’s materialistic society, where almost everyone has a hidden agenda, it is refreshing to experience the truthfulness People choose to adapt.

And I thirst for the Refreshment even more....

And I'm still learning to walk in Him, day by day and step by step.

**

He remembered the first time he realised her existence.

If the tutor had not call out he name that day, he would never have noticed her, despite the fact that they were in the same course ever since his freshmen year.

"Huh? I don't know the answer," she answered the tutor blatantly, with that incredulous look in her eyes. She didn’t blush, nor did she bow her head low. She did not finch a single bit, maintaining the same facial expression as if her face was a painted canvas.

“You better put in more effort to boost your participation marks,” the bespectacled tutor said sternly. Usually, the same misdemeanor warrants an immediate expulsion from that class.

"Another Bimbo. Another Noob who ought to be out of this class," he mumbled to himself.

Like the tutor, he had low tolerance for people impeding his quest for total concentration in lectures or tutorials. He was slightly annoyed by the concession, for there existed a cruel part of him who loved seeing fellow students trudging down the alley of shame, receiving just desserts for their inconsiderate behavior.

**

As usual, he would be in the library going over the previous lecture notes, in between classes.

She would always be in the cafeteria, chatting away with her bunch of gregarious girl friends.

"Those playful boisterous kids in the cafeteria will certainly fail their finals," he said to himself after cracking his brains to understand this morning's hard core lecture.

As he smirked, something caught his eyes, amidst the sea of students in the library rushing for their assignments. She rushed in to the library, looking rather lost for a moment. Then she continued her journey to the tables.. She walked closer and closer to his table.

Suddenly, he saw her standing right under his eyes.

"Can you tutor me for Statistics, please? 2 hours per week. I will pay you $30 per hour," she asked in an urgent, desperate tone, "I can even pay you $240 for the first month fee now as a guarantee."

An additional $240 worth of pocket money every month just for a total of 8 hours tuition per month was tempting. "These days, almost everything will tear your wallet a new hole for money to trickle out like water. Heck, even sitting down can cost you money. After all, Bimbos like her would not expect much too. Just a marginal pass and they will be there celebrating as if they just strike jackpot. Easy job..." he thought to himself.

He agreed instantly.

**

Tutoring commenced the next day. She was not late. He was taken aback. He expected her to be late, so accustomed was he to the Malaysian p-time law.

She was not pretty. She only had single eyelids, and pimples dotted the edges of her forehead and her cheeks. She was not perfect, but yet, there was this indescribable allure emanating from her...

Two months went by. The finals was in two weeks time.

"I'm going to pass, man," she said in glee.

"All thanks to you. I'm never going to forget your kindness.." she continued.

"You are welcome," he answered, but his inner self was saying, "Ah, you better just forget about me. I do not want to be associated with noobs like you.."

**

Two years passed. It was the day of his convocation. He had graduated with his Bachelor degree with First Class Honours. After collecting his scroll, shaking a few hands, saying thank yous, he disappeared into anonimity.

He packed his luggage after the event. He was due to leave his second home that evening. As he trudged his suitcase down the corridor of the dorm, he met a familiar face- His rich bimbotic employer two years back.

‘”Are you coming back again?” she asked.

“Well, not in the next few months. Perhaps I might come back in future”

“Will I ever have you as a tutor again?”

Silence. "I don't think so. I'm leaving.. Got a job," he answered.

"Will I ever see you again?"

“Maybe sometime in the future if fate has it,” he said.

She rummaged through her bag and produced an envelope, which she gave to him.

“You can only open it in the plane.”

“Okay. I have to go.”

She took a step towards him. He had this urge to embrace her. But he feigned indifference and turned to go.

He walked swiftly down the stairs.

“Take care. Thanks for everything. I appreciate it very much.” he heard her cried out.

He didn’t look back.

**

He was 23,000 feet above the ground when he peeled the envelope open. He retrieved the single piece of paper inside the envelope.

He stared at the paper. It was blank. There was no writing on it.

What a noob. Fancy wasting paper and envelope with nothing written on it.

He turned the paper around.

In her neat handwriting was printed the note:

“I'm sorry. I should not have judged you.”, he whispered, trying desperately to hold back his tears.

Storyboard 1

Day in day out, she passed by the same walkway, heard the same din, whiffed the same smell and watched the same scene on her way to the theater. She can only find solace in the soulful songs emitted by the PA system, thanks to the zoo's deejay.

Her job is so mired in routine she was that she felt mechanical, almost robotic, as if she was part of the fittings in the zoo. Typical eight to five, with an official one hour lunch break in between. .. Nothing exciting. Just offering enough money for her to live by.

Can I not wake up the next morning? Please," she asked, with a sad wistful look on her face. Tears of sadness drained down her face.

Silence was the only word he could offer.

The lion had just refused to acknowledge her capability to conform to the required standards.
It conveniently still believes that she have yet to convince it that she worthy of it and she deserves the right to be granted a 'pass'..

She nodded in a daze, gazing into its eyes. It averted them. She stared at the back of its coat billowing in the soft zephyr as it walked swiftly back to its den. It seem to be a flagrant crucifixion of her gloom destiny, for soon it will be the day when the zoo keeper will decide, is she or is she not worthy of being in that zoo.

If she fails, she will be back in the wild, fighting with development for a place to stay, for food to eat, the right to live..

She searched vainly, futilely for the slightest sign of recognition from its impassive face. There were none. Like all of them, it had learned to mask stark knowledge well.

She stared at the computer screen blankly. She felt like screaming but no voice came out. She had this urge to smash the monitor into smithereens but instead she sat there, slumped in her chair.

There was no one around to comfort her, no one to cling to and she ended up crying into her pillow until it was all wet and soggy and her eyes all puffy and red.

**

But Faith - is all you can have here.

There are things you cannot control, cannot affect.

Don't let your fear and rage demolish the single standard left, however nebulous His intentions.

Everyone needs guidance. Like everyone else, she needed all the guidance she could get from God.

"bless me oh Lord. Guide and protect me, Lord, and to provide all the wisdom and necessities in order for me to handle and to take charge of the situation and to provide me your ability that will bless every word, every situation, every person, every thing that I face with pure joy and happiness. With every confidence I have in my body, I lift it up to you and trust upon your favors that it is peace and happiness that every one will have at the end. Amen."

Immediately after that, she felt at peace.

The ever so faithful God had revealed this to her:

What has come has gone.
Now it is time to pick up the pieces and move on.
Now, its time to tie up all the loose ends.
And leave with no regrets...

I was having a chat with one of cyber friends from one of those local Unis in malaysia. She's a chap who takes pride her Uni and she is sure a loyal student who goes all out promoting her Uni. Sad thing she's from Local U because if she was from one of those Private Institutions, she did make a real good PR manageress.

I met her online last night and we began talking about the recent USM fiasco. She was mad by the comments made by some politicians about the whole blunder.

"I do not understand Malaysians." she said.

Thinking it was about the Port blunder, I expressed my gratitude to a certain politician who highlighted the issue or I'd be in a newb about this issue.

"I hate him/her," she continued.

"Why?" I asked.

"Why is he/she harping over the USM issue? It's just a minor issue and he/she is there making all sorts of conclusions as if he/she is one of the victims." she replied.

"Hey, that's his/her job, isn't it. To be the mouth of the rakyat, just as what he/she promised us in his/her election manifesto. Come to think of it, I don't think that mistake should happen in the first place. yeah, it may be some technical glitch but did they think about those students who had to suffer the anguish of disappointments?" I replied.

"USM is definitely regrettable but the politician should refrain from jumping on any opportunity to gain political mileage by exploiting the whole fiasco. There was no racism involved. It is about just the mistake they made in the database. Can't he/she stop making conspiracy theories?" she responded.

"Moreover, our Higher Education Minister has made assurances that those rejected by USM will be processed by UPU for consideration for entry into the other public unis. So what is the fuss now? Shoosh, Can't he/she just shut up and let the UPU do their job," she continued.

"I think his/her concern is whether their chances of getting into one of the other public universities will be jeopardized by their USM rejection. He/she is actually fighting a place in Local U for those USM victims. I think he/she is doing a good deed.. hey, but the blunder should not have happened in the first place , considering the fact that USM has been awarded the apex status," I argued.

"There is no issue now. USM has apologised. The MOHE has given their assurance. So where's is the issue?" she answered.

"Okay, how would you feel if you were one of the USM victims?" I questioned her.

"C'mon, everyone makes mistakes... Nobody's perfect, even computers. Can't they all accept that fact, instead of making a fuss in the papers." she answered.

Easier said than done...

**

Hmm, this chap should be made USM's PR manager.

To

the willowy woman with her trademark plastic smile. Her blonde hair always tied back to reveal a pair of dangling white gold earrings, and a Hermes Berkin handbag hung elegantly from her slender arm...

You think money comes easy.

Yes, it does but it only comes easy for some people. Not all. Perhaps those affluent ones only.

You get your monthly pocket money at the end of the month, just like most wage earners.

But do you know how hard your "pocket money giver" slog throughout the month just to give you your pocket money?
Your pocket money giver might be a professional. Perhaps an architect, a lawyer, a doctor, an engineer, an accountant, a QS, a business owner....
But do you know how hard he/she works every day: how hard he/she strives to get clients; how hard he/she fights to get debtors to pay them; how he/she faces rude and dissatisfied clients though he/she have done his/her very best to please them...
Do you know the sleepless nights he/she had, while you were snugged up on your super king size bed..

Do you know how hard we slog throughout the month just to get our wages to keep us alive for the next month?

You say you work too.
But you only work three times a week, save perhaps on saturdays when you got to work for the whole day.

I work too. The difference is that I work for 5 full days, unlike you. Sometimes, I work for 5 and a half days.

Besides your salary, you get pocket money from your "ATM" too. I don't.

You might be one of those loyal followers of The Almighty but at the same time, you are among the biggest hypocrites I have met.

Before I click the Publish button, may I humbly ask you this:

Please fell the flesh of his palms.
Feel the difference..

Please take a good look at this face.
Look at the difference.

Do feel the rough skin?
The hands roughen by hard work,
the years of labour he endured...

Do you see the fine wrinkles on his face?
The years of struggles he endured..

How he gave up the best years of his life for you and the family,
Just so that you would be able to buy all those moisturizer and skin care products for your precious skin,
Just so that you can go for your bi-monthly facial and manicure appointments,
Just so that you can go for your twice weekly saloon hairwash,
Just so that you can patronize those shopping malls..
Just so that you can have the best of everything..
Just so that you can throw your PS3 and Nintendo Wii out and get the XBox 360, the DS Lite, the iPOD Mano Chromatic 16GB,
Just so that you can hand your Pentium 3 laptop to your pocket money giver in exchange for a netbook..
Just so that you can do your part of community service...
That is to help the economy,
at his/her expense.

Thank YOU.
(Period).

YES.TEacheR.DAY

If you're wondering what's with the corny blog-title - well, brain cells tend to be rather inactive.

I have been extremely busy so sorry for the lack of updates...

I intend to keep this post sweet and simple too :) Okay, I want to keep it short, but who cares..
I'm just doing this to honour and thank THOSE PEOPLE whose DAY was YESTERDAY, May 16th.

Thank you for teaching me pro bono, out of your own initiatives and sincere desires to improve my final grade.

Thank you for being perspicacious and censorious. You were (are) careful in pointing out the many nuances of the assignments and examination.

You were awe-inspiring and outstanding (not this definition of outstanding!!). Your thinking and approach was formidable. Your clear-headed reasoning and organized and structured thinking processis something that I am still trying to master and grasp. If anything that I am trying to emulate from you is your entrepreneurial spirit.

Yes, I want to conquer the mountain of business and finance... but where's the feasible business plan?? Don't ask. I have yet to think of anything.

Epilogue: I am talking about Marketing Channels, the subject that was marshaled by an enthusiastic and seasoned lecturer, whom I have paid my tribute to here. His presence and tutelage is a boost for the course as he provides students with a rare standpoint and perspective as a business and marketing man.

Not to forget is the group of other very eager and talented LECTURErs. I remember fondly my spar with you, you, you and you. They are all skilled people who gave many helpful feedbacks for my assignment.

Okay, I tried writing a good, proper post but I failed (thanks to another long two weeks), so I've decided that I'm going to hit the publish button once I've said enough.

I am going to hit the button now.

I am not oblivous to happening around me

Yes, I am aware of what is going on right now at the soon-to-be-replaced building at PJ and also across the South China Sea.

Yes, I might have called for a premature celebration.

But I just can't blog.

Launching my lethargic body to post something is torturous.

I fear this blog will remain stagnant soon. Perhaps until the end of May.

Thousand apologies.

Lower 6 started today.

This was what I remember learning about Malaysia from the Pengajian Am and Malaysian Studies textbook:

Government type: Constitutional monarchy. Nominally headed by a paramount ruler. Bicameral parliament that consists of a non-elected House of Senate and elected House of Representative. Democracy.
Three bodies: Legislative Body (Bicameral parliament), Executive Body (Headed by Prime Minister) as the and Judiciary Body.
*our Judiciary is independent of the Executive, and that the Legislative is an untouchable sanctity of a parliamentary democracy.

For once, I can reconcile with what the Pengajian Am textbook says. Yes, you might call me a cuckoo for being a slow learner. Perhaps I am really a cuckoo. But I know, after 11th May 2009, I will remember the message above that is bold in green. High court Judge Datuk Abdul Aziz Abdul Rahim showed me the way! Confidence. Dignity.. INTEGRITY and 1Malaysia. Thank you for remembering to uphold the precedent on Stephen Kalong Ningkan,\.

We all know, there are still two more appellate Courts after the High Court in this process:- Court of Appeal and Federal Court. So Zambry and his teams of worthy lawyers can always appeal, which I think they would anyways. But I remain optimistic in this case. I refuse to believe that at best, it is only the High Court until I hear it myself from the mouth of the two Courts.

Anyway, the next best solution would be to call the election and let the people decide who should be the MB. That will be our ultimate judge given the context of a democratic country.

But who am I to say.

Please don't mind me, I am just spouting nonsense again.

The long hand strikes 12MN.
I got to click "Publish Post" soon.
A long two weeks or so beckons, beginning tomorrow.
Just wake me up when May ends.

People always say that they wish they could become a student again. Me too.
Can I go back to become a student again?

No such thing as Pause/Rewind.

Some days I feel things move so fast and I am afraid of what happens when it all ends. And yet I can’t slow it down, it feels too right, this speed. This is comfortable. This is scary.

In any case, I have 9 hours before I'm off to work. Sigh. Weekend's over. Fast.

I hardly do anything nowadays except a bit of entertainment and tv after dinner. Then it's off to slumber land. I have not even finished the Bible. I barely even reached like one-tenth of it. It is a disaster, I know. I miss bumming around. It is a recuperation remedy that seems ideal after a hectic week!!

Wistful thinking. Unrealistic desires. Too bad life is not that way. No such thing as Pause/Rewind.

Work is not that bad actually. The environment suits me perfectly. I love it actually, just that I'm suffering from inferiority complex. It just takes a mere 5 minutes to get myself confused. I'm so hopeless, really. Oh well, paranoia has gone rampant.

May be I should not dawdle over tomorrow as yet.

Good night peeps. I'm out.

I sit back and think:

What has happened to Perak?

What has happened to 1Malaysia?

Okay, I wasn't at the Perak State Assembly to witness the event but why must V. Sivakumar be physically removed from his chair and physically dragged out, as if he has no feet to walk?

Sigh.

THANK YOU.

I shall miss you most ardently, Democracy.

Fare thee well and I shall bid You adieu.

In a wry moment of coincidence and mental irony,

Sometimes....

I hate it when people use Richard Branson and Bill Gates as examples of those who found what they loved, never settled for mediocrity, and always believed that God would somehow connect the dots for them in the end. Yes, both Branson and Gates are successful. No doubts about that. They are one of those who have succeeded in living their lives the way they wanted despite never graduating. They are good examples that education is not a hindrance to success. We just need the courage to go out and do things, instead of fretting over trivial matters. True.

And I tell you, the success stories of Bill Gates, Michael Dell, Richard Branson and their likes are truly stories that can make you feel like you can do anything in this world.... Nothing can stop you from pursuing your dream.

But we must always remember that the only stories we hear are the successful ones. For every Richard Branson story we hear about, there are a hundred failures that we DON'T hear about. There is only one Gates and one Dell. How many of us can be the next? How about those stories of people pursuing their ideal dream so hard and actually achieving it, only to find out it's not as fulfilling as it was supposed to be?? How many???

Giving those examples are extremely simple to say, and yet very hard to put into practice. There are people, stuck in poverty and most of these people do not have the liberty to ponder upon what they want to do with their lives. Everyday is a fight for survival for them. These are examples of the sheer randomness of life - the cruelty of it, in fact...

Thanks to the meritocracy system in our beloved country, it is sometimes so hard for a Malaysian with dreams to fulfill it. If one has no money, those dreams can actually go down the drain. There are stories of Malaysians with stellar academic results but was not offered a PSD or Petronas schalarship and even a place in matrics. However, with their stellar results, they were offered places to read their desired course in top universities in the world. But there again, they might not be able to further their studies unless granted a scholarship to lessen their parent's burden..

So much for those self-help books that drive the so-called positive force. It's BuLL....

God willing, He will somehow connect the dots for me in the end IF it is His calling for me to enter that trade. So be it.

The madness hath set in

I actually had some inspiration to write furiously. However, when I suddenly think of another point and put that in my memory cache (so I can type it when I am done with this sentence, when out of nowhere - *beep beep* 1 message received! Sh*t, lost it.

I picked up my hp, only to find that it is a former college mate with whom I have had innumerable text-message conversations for the past few days: "Can I call u at 8:30pm?; "Going out now. I call u tomorrow?"; "Call u in the afternoon, I'm in college."; "Can't call u later. Still in college. I call u when I'm free." ad infinitum. (But she will always manage to call me, one way or another, because the final message she sent me was 10 minutes ago, "I call u later."

It is one of those times when everything goes not-quite-wrong-but-not-quite-right-either. Suddenly you receive sms from friends that only look for you when they are in dire need of help in their assignments. How irritating. So much for Friends. Okay, I am not being selfish but these people are those you can do without and things become worst when they expect F.O.C consultation from you and at the same time, complete the rest of their assignment for them. As I am going on a frugality drive now due to a shortage of funds, I am not that generous to waste my credit sms-ing my suggestions to these people and calling them up when I'm free to give them my answer. I find myself brought to the point where I just bury my head in my hands, torn between a desire to cry and an overwhelming urge to clutch my hair and scream. And instead of doing either, I always end up taking a deep breath, reminding myself that lots of people are patient with me too and giving free assignment consultation (and they are also so nice that you feel guilty for being discouraged)!!

Neways, these friends of mine are those students that are not obsessed with obtaining a Distinction. A pass would render them the happiest people on Earth. Sad, ain't it to see how complacent they are...

Not that I was obsessed with obtaining 4.0 last time, because if I was, I could have probably gain admission into one of those Ivy League, Russell Group or other top notch universities on a scholarship and I would not be pursuing some art-sy course, as some may call it, but a professional field. And I would not have to be one of the lesser ones amongst us who have to work for the richer (business-owning) ones. But Thank God it is a 9 to 5 job, not some back-breaking Biblical toil and labour.

The most depressing kind of people are the ones who always seem too good to be true.

Are people with flaws easier to leave with?

Catch no ball?
Forgive me, for the madness hath set in.

But don't worry, I will get out of this existentialist despair soon for the polar opposite of me- personality wise is showing itself.

I feel alive

I have no personal vendetta against anybody, but I am guilty, without apology, of discrimination against a certain incompetent individual with little concern for his/her subordinates' welfare and sanity, and who turn aggressively defensive the moment somebody tries to touch her newest babe.

Dear S,

I know you had an inherent dislike for me because I am not a testosterone-laden person.

I know you have been trying your hardest to get at me, to destroy me.

I know you think that I am one person who cannot stomach any criticism, running to my parents every time a reprimand was doled out by you with accusations of prejudice and sexist.
However, before you make any bias preconceptions about me and the rest of my buddies, look deep into your own conscience. Only you would throw a fit for something as trivial as having to sing a verse of any song in public. Spare a thought for all your subordinates who had to do that during our first meeting.

I know there were times when I was weak enough to dissolve into a pool of nothing after being exposed to your radioactive presence, but I am vengeful enough to guarantee, that wouldn't be the last you'll see of me because I won't go down easily.

Yes, I may have started my career lacking in essential basic knowledge, but I am armed with a positive attitude and an eagerness to learn, and I am going to show you that I am now able to function effectively on my own.

You think I have quit playing the game.
But you are wrong.
I am more resilient than that.
I did not quit playing the game.
I just quit playing from that arena so as not to suffer from further indignity.
FYI, I have reason to keep myself in the game.
Just be sure I'll be there with arms outstretched, waiting for the day when you'll be mine.

***

Dear H,

Sometimes I wonder, are you in denial of what is in essence the truth of what’s taking place in the Workplace right now?

A "goodwill get-together" lunch at a restaurant followed by a Clubbing session after work would not erase memories of temper tantrums, bad behaviour and name calling, I tell you.

But thank you for your lunch treat and invitation. That was very noble of you.
However, sharing those dishes on the Lazy Susan did not endear us to each other.
I can decide for myself exactly the kind of company that I desire. If we could get along, I do not see the need a farcical outing to bond.
You see, H, the core problem is a lack of respect for each other, often resulting in perceived superiority and unfair criticisms of our work.

Nevertheless, H, it was fun working here, though sarcasm is very much intended. I suffered from pre-work depression, finding myself unable to have any fun on Sunday night. I suffered from work day lethargy, finding great difficulty even climbing out of bed to begin what could be the longest day.

But along the way, I discovered my strengths and weaknesses, aptitude or lack of it in certain areas. Thanks to you, I want to cease to be a slave to work, and spend more time developing other extra vocational interests. Being under other superiors were less demanding, but no less satisfying... After all, politics exist everywhere, in every organization too.

I also needed to know what it was like working in a crappy company with bitch superiors. After a while, the crap just becomes something in the back of your mind and you learn to filter it out. But how many can stand the crap and bitchiness? I know that I can't. It's easier said than done. But working under you, H and S, it was a good try for me so that I understand the nature of suffering better. To defeat crap.. you must know what crap really means.

At the end of the day, what won’t kill you will make you stronger.

***

I'm appeased, for now.

No more work-related posts, I promise, at least for the next two weeks or so.

I could not have wished for a better way to end the weekend. I see the smiles and gay abandon of the happiness at hand, and I find it contrasting so starkly with emotions that coursed through me little over three weeks ago. And the capacity to observe and experience such extremes of the human condition compels me to consider what it is to be human, yet still retain enough sanity to straddle both ends of the emotional spectrum.

I guess happiness isn't exactly something that can never happen.

Strange, somehow I do not know if I'm prepared for a better phase in slavery.

But there is one thing, the constraints of the bank account are real restrictive. I need a business plan. Either that or I have to put on a brave smile to endure whatever hostility and hell hissed at me in future when bad outcomes transpire despite all that you do.

But with Divine Intervention, I am positively sure that there will be rewarding moments, when your action makes a difference. Praise God.

Epiphany

I'm tired but awake at this godly hour.

Might have been the waking up very early in the morning and coming home late in the evening.

Might have been the heavy morning traffic.

Might have the complete lack of motivation to get my ass to the office..

Might have been the fact that I dread walking up the stairs to the office, since I only have a few more seconds to force myself to leave behind their personal problems before reaching the doors into a room where my responsibility as an employee has to come first.

Might have been the fact that you know that what the boss says, "Love your company and your job" is total bullshit.. Heck, there is more in life than work (and this certainly does not include drinking till you get all tipsy and drunk at least once a week).

Might have been the fact that my reporting superior has sold her/his soul to the company so they think that success comes by working Hard towards those lofty goals. I think when you are not forced to work too much (and you are actually playing on level ground), you can actually work smart.

Might have been something to do with the fact that I hate Weekdays..

Might have been the fact that today's Friday and the weekend's here.. (PS: I had to work today.)

Wee...

And the point is that

I have no point at all.

Forgive me. That is why people make jokes and to try to talk about random stuff- to distract themselves about whatever is bothering them, both inside and outside the closed gates of work.

But the past few days have been better. Knowing that this Transitional Breed is moving on, I wake up and realise that soon I no longer give a shit about pretending or putting on this tough act..